I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize