His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
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