Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
