The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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