is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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