biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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