oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
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NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?