So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this