Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person