When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30