I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.