rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
