shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
