there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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