He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
