don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
