if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Let's get the cat blown out
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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