i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
