We named our party play list daddy issues
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
