I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
