i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My vagina is officially offended.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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