I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
