Got a toothbrush?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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