Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
