just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
