what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
