Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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