Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
