At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
