We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
