the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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