Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
