It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
