Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
