for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
