Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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