I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
