I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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