is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
