i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
