The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
