Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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