do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
