He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
