He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
