The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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