i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
