If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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