Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
