So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
