Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
