Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
