i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
