The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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