He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize