The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you never un-have a 4some
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
