how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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