I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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