Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
