it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
