their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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