Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
