I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
