I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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