Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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