I heard we made out
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
whose parrot is this?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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