She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
