Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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