sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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