3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
