i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
