Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
