just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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