have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
