Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
