I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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