your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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