Someone shit on the floor
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It all started with a game of naked twister.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
