Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
