if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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